I check to see if I have any messages on my phone every so often. I only get really excited when the message provides blog fodder, of course - and never really see it as a prospect for lasting happiness in my life, which says just boatloads about my prospects for future...well, anything. I see this. Don't think that I don't.
I don't know, I like to think that if there was someone on there with whom I could actually have a future, he wouldn't piss me off in some way within 80 words. Perhaps I'm being too picky.
So here's a fun exchange:
NickXXX (not Nick's real handle): LOL (couldn't resist). I have no idea what to make of you. But I refuse to feel guilty for just being born male.
Oh, that's so funny! I get it. You see on my profile it says "If you used "LOL" as a word, even once, in your profile, I immediately set you aside and moved on. No, really."
So Nick here is being all ironic and shit.
How clever!
I feel myself being won over, as we speak.
He has "no idea" what to make of me, but he felt the need to send me a message that immediately gives me shit AND misunderstands me in the process! Bravo! You win at online dating, sir!
Me: You are free to feel how you like, Nick, but I'm not entirely sure why that's what you got from my profile. Pretty sure I never suggested you should.
NickXXX: Maybe I read to much into your info, it was late after all, lol. I guess I was just picking up a general animosity toward guys. The part about guys likeing sex like you breathing air was kinda a red flag for me and as well as a general insulting nature. Usually this kinda behavior is covering up some insecurities, I like comfident women and I myself am so tough I feel no need to prove it so I have more of a gentle nature and care about other's feelings. It's not that I couldn't handle being insulted, mind you, (I appreciate skeptical feed back, If I'm full of shit about something I want to know) I just see little point in attacking someone without cause. -Nick
So, Nick read my profile and I hit a nerve. Poor baby, LOL. (see what I did there?)
Now I am not a "comfident" woman because he was personally insulted whilst reading my profile.
Me: Oh, sweets, everyone has insecurities. If you think that and being a strong person you're a tad deluded. I'm sorry you felt insulted (no I'm not), but it's part "sarcasm" and part "humor" and all me. You see, I'm 40, not 14. This isn't a defense mechanism, it's my personality.
That having been said, if you think that what someone posts in a (dating site) profile is the beginning and end of who they are, you might be destined for some disappointment.
This has been fun, Nick - and so illuminating that I need to pass out now.
Peace out and all sorts of ill shit.
Now, the only thing that irked me here is that I was in such a hurry that I was thinking faster than I was typing (not the other way around, I assure you) and I left out a couple words in the reply.
If I was this guy, I would totally jump all over my typo, so I just blocked him, fun as that was.
So yeah, I made an error. In a snarky reply.
I have shame.
Oh, and that guy? After I blocked him - showed up on my match list again with a different username.
Makes me hope he went and looked at my profile afterwards, because I changed a paragraph with him in mind:
(To the gentleman who got all butthurt because one of my jabs applied to him here - dude, we ALL like sex. THAT is what I'm saying. It is unnecessary and crass for a guy to list it as a hobby or something they are good at - and most of the time, if you gotta tell us before how good you are, we know it's not true. But you just keep on keepin' on. I'll be over here in the corner, licking the wound caused by you implying that I'm not a confident woman. ::sniff:: It's a bummer - your profile seemed interesting. Stupid.)
Okay, then!
Now, back to original format!
"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)"
Bachelor #1: Your username is, I am sure hoping, a play on the abbreviation for the state of Virginia and the word "guy" - but it makes me think you're either a gynecologist or hugely fascinated with female genitalia. You might want to change that.
Bachelor #2: Ok, I am just a shit - but I cannot see myself with a man of your...stature. I know damn few things about myself, but I know for a fact that I like skinny guys.
(Humor aside, he did seem like a nice guy, and I actually did respond, nicely as I could letting him know that I just was not attracted to his body type. Was I wrong? I wonder how I would respond if someone sent that to me.)
Bachelor #3: I'll just reproduce this one. At first, I thought I was looking at the writing of one of the many teenage boys I hear from, but no. This is the writing of a 34-year-old man who apparently cannot close his mouth firmly (from the picture record). I imagine I hear mouth-breathing. At least he got the gist of what I'm about, right?
"hello im christian, i just moved here from los angeles in june. thats bad ass you meet tom robbins. i've only read feirce invelads in hot climates so far but i really liked it alot. its good you dont want to ever fuck a repulbacian, i hate them to. im pretty scarstic as well and i also have a love of pushing peoples buttons to see what reaction i get. not in some mindless way but if you tell me you hate gay people then guess whos gay all the sudden. stuff like that. well i dont know what else to really say so write back if you care to. "