"Group hug and harsh language" - Repost of a Facebook Note I just re-read and thought "Damn, I'm angry and I make me laugh".

'Kayso, I don't really read or watch the news. 

First, it's depressing.

Second, even if I was the most avid follower of all the major media outlets, I have a hard time believing everything they say. I know that some are slanted this way, some the other way...so what's the point, really? Better to just read the feed at Reuters, quite frankly. 

(And by the way, even if I read all the news I'd get criticized for getting my opinions and my news from the news. Yeah. Follow that shit.) 

Yet, somehow, even without all the accumulated knowledge of the news networks behind me, I still have opinions! 

How is that possible, you say? Well, hold onto your lug nuts, cause it's gonna be a bumpy one. 

I do this thing...where I listen to what someone says, and then I make this internal call...it normally goes "wow, that's stupid." , or "hey, that makes sense.", or even sometimes "that sounds asinine and bordering on evil."

I know, I know, I should have some supporting documentation to back up my ridiculous gut-feelings, but I already have 6 library books out and I can only do so much. 

I can't help it. I was born this way. 

So here's the thing. I was unaffiliated with a political party for a long time. I just didn't care enough to go one way or another. Neither of these parties, in total, seemed to match how I was feelin' all the time. Not being Ron Paul, I decided to just go nowhere with it (instead of Ron's nowhere with a slogan and a shitload of cash). I chilled in my unaffiliated state for a good long time. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I wasn't sitting all neutral about shit. I have leaned left my whole life, and I blame John Lennon and Bloom County, which means that, by proxy, I blame my mother. (Thanks, mom!) Peace, love, and understanding made sense to me, so anything on the opposing side was, well, the opposing side, eh? I never coveted a religious GOD, and those people on the other side seemed really hung up on the name and sexual preference of your imaginary best friend, so I just rolled here by default, I suppose. Like a rolling stone? Hmm. 

I think I might be digressing, but who the hell knows? 

Anywho. 

To me, (and I know full well that there are many who disagree - just let me fucking finish, OK? Sheesh.) there's just a central question when deciding your political leanings.

It's not about war, although war sucks. (There are too many nuances as to when it's appropriate to engage - from the historical hindsight it seems we should have entered WWII waaaaaaay earlier, but who's to know? I may be a peace sign flipping hippy, but sometimes I think we should kick some ass, sure. Especially if we are teaming up with the rest of the world to defeat some great genocidal evil. I'm totally for that and I'll buy the graphic novel, too.) 

It's: "Do you think that we, as a society, should take care of people who, for whatever reason, cannot take care of themselves?" 

Now, here's the thing about this question.

You don't get to "BUT" it.

You don't get to "Well, yes except.." it.

You don't get to qualify ANY of the words in it. Not the "we", not the "should", and most importantly, not the "cannot".  

It's a YES or NO. 

It is an inclusive statement. Children, veterans, the elderly, the physically disabled, the mental disabled, the impoverished, the temporarily unemployed, the long term unemployed, the child of the Mexican who risked their life to cross the border so that their child would be an American, and yes, the "people who abuse the system".

Did I really just say that? 

Yup, sure did. Keep up with me here. 

So you, as a good tax-paying American get all up in arms at the thought of paying for some no-account loser to sit at home on their ass. Ok, I can see that. Sort of. Why don't you console yourself by instead thinking that jackass down the street with the dead lawn is paying for THAT no-account loser...and that YOU are paying for a Gulf War Vet who lost both of his legs, or a family who had to go down to one income because their child is dying of leukemia and they lost their health insurance. Feel better yet? Well, you fucking should, because you can't have one without the other.

You might find this to be a strange parallel, but this is just the way it is.

I remember going to a meeting for work once, one of our yearly or twice-yearly or whatever manager meetings where hopefully you get all pumped up and re-energized to go back to a damn Pizza Hut everyday (oh, and there's free lunch - my life has meaning!). Well, at this meeting our franchise business coach told us something that stuck with me (well, it must have because they fricking fired me and I'm still telling this damn story). 

Basically, it was this - when dealing with customers who have an issue, somewhere around 97% of them believe they have a legitimate complaint. The other 3% is what we call "The Cost of Doing Business"...and we treat them all EXACTLY THE SAME. 

Why am I bringing this up? Because if you believe that we, as a society, should take care of those who, for whatever reason, cannot take care of themselves...then you have to treat them all EXACTLY the same. 

Because, really....who the fuck are you to look at someone else and pass judgement? 

These programs are in place and have been in place for a long time.

Pissing and moaning about this one girl you know who is on welfare or whatever while you, you poor thing, have to get up and work every day, just makes you sound like an entitled prick, not the hardworking American you think it does. 

If you think that you pay too much, change the system.  

If you do not care for the way the programs work, change the system. 

If you do not believe that we should have them, change the system. 

And fucking read up on what a "Socialist" is. 

I do not think it means what you think it means. 

"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)" #5 - 'Just Stop Talking' Edition.

It's been a while since I logged into my dating site profile.
I check to see if I have any messages on my phone every so often. I only get really excited when the message provides blog fodder, of course - and never really see it as a prospect for lasting happiness in my life, which says just boatloads about my prospects for future...well, anything. I see this. Don't think that I don't.
I don't know, I like to think that if there was someone on there with whom I could actually have a future, he wouldn't piss me off in some way within 80 words. Perhaps I'm being too picky.

So here's a fun exchange:

NickXXX (not Nick's real handle): LOL (couldn't resist). I have no idea what to make of you. But I refuse to feel guilty for just being born male.


Oh, that's so funny! I get it. You see on my profile it says "If you used "LOL" as a word, even once, in your profile, I immediately set you aside and moved on. No, really." 
So Nick here is being all ironic and shit. 
How clever! 
I feel myself being won over, as we speak. 
He has "no idea" what to make of me, but he felt the need to send me a message that immediately gives me shit AND misunderstands me in the process! Bravo! You win at online dating, sir!


Me: You are free to feel how you like, Nick, but I'm not entirely sure why that's what you got from my profile. Pretty sure I never suggested you should.


NickXXX: Maybe I read to much into your info, it was late after all, lol. I guess I was just picking up a general animosity toward guys. The part about guys likeing sex like you breathing air was kinda a red flag for me and as well as a general insulting nature. Usually this kinda behavior is covering up some insecurities, I like comfident women and I myself am so tough I feel no need to prove it so I have more of a gentle nature and care about other's feelings. It's not that I couldn't handle being insulted, mind you, (I appreciate skeptical feed back, If I'm full of shit about something I want to know) I just see little point in attacking someone without cause. -Nick


So, Nick read my profile and I hit a nerve. Poor baby, LOL. (see what I did there?) 
Now I am not a "comfident" woman because he was personally insulted whilst reading my profile. 


Me: Oh, sweets, everyone has insecurities. If you think that and being a strong person you're a tad deluded. I'm sorry you felt insulted (no I'm not), but it's part "sarcasm" and part "humor" and all me. You see, I'm 40, not 14. This isn't a defense mechanism, it's my personality. 
That having been said, if you think that what someone posts in a (dating site) profile is the beginning and end of who they are, you might be destined for some disappointment.
This has been fun, Nick - and so illuminating that I need to pass out now.
Peace out and all sorts of ill shit.

Now, the only thing that irked me here is that I was in such a hurry that I was thinking faster than I was typing (not the other way around, I assure you) and I left out a couple words in the reply. 

If I was this guy, I would totally jump all over my typo, so I just blocked him, fun as that was. 

So yeah, I made an error. In a snarky reply. 

I have shame. 

Oh, and that guy? After I blocked him - showed up on my match list again with a different username. 

Makes me hope he went and looked at my profile afterwards, because I changed a paragraph with him in mind: 

(To the gentleman who got all butthurt because one of my jabs applied to him here - dude, we ALL like sex. THAT is what I'm saying. It is unnecessary and crass for a guy to list it as a hobby or something they are good at - and most of the time, if you gotta tell us before how good you are, we know it's not true. But you just keep on keepin' on. I'll be over here in the corner, licking the wound caused by you implying that I'm not a confident woman. ::sniff:: It's a bummer - your profile seemed interesting. Stupid.)

Okay, then! 

Now, back to original format! 

"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)" 

Bachelor #1: Your username is, I am sure hoping, a play on the abbreviation for the state of Virginia and the word "guy" - but it makes me think you're either a gynecologist or hugely fascinated with female genitalia. You might want to change that.

Bachelor #2: Ok, I am just a shit - but I cannot see myself with a man of your...stature. I know damn few things about myself, but I know for a fact that I like skinny guys. 

(Humor aside, he did seem like a nice guy, and I actually did respond, nicely as I could letting him know that I just was not attracted to his body type. Was I wrong? I wonder how I would respond if someone sent that to me.)

Bachelor #3: I'll just reproduce this one. At first, I thought I was looking at the writing of one of the many teenage boys I hear from, but no. This is the writing of a 34-year-old man who apparently cannot close his mouth firmly (from the picture record). I imagine I hear mouth-breathing. At least he got the gist of what I'm about, right?

"hello im christian, i just moved here from los angeles in june. thats bad ass you meet tom robbins. i've only read feirce invelads in hot climates so far but i really liked it alot. its good you dont want to ever fuck a repulbacian, i hate them to. im pretty scarstic as well and i also have a love of pushing peoples buttons to see what reaction i get. not in some mindless way but if you tell me you hate gay people then guess whos gay all the sudden. stuff like that. well i dont know what else to really say so write back if you care to. "

Nailed It! - Volume 1 (which does not guarantee a Volume 2, just so we're clear)

All of a sudden I've gotten all hardcore about making the recipes I find on Pinterest, and by hardcore, I mean a few this week. (Hey, for me, an attention span that long is...oh, fuck, my coffee!)

Sorry. Back. What was I saying?

So, a little more than a week ago I made Garlic-Cheddar Oven Fried Chicken. This recipe is not for the garlic-ambivalent. It was very bold-flavored and Kyle and I loved it. I could see how the overpowering garlic would not appeal to some. It would work very well with much less garlic (but WHY WOULD YOU WHY). No, really, to each his own (freakshow). Here's mine, I didn't think about taking the picture til I was a good way through it...and it was so good I didn't want to stop.  

Well, after that was the Honey-glazed pork chops, but they were unimpressive looking so I didn't take a picture (I forgot). Plus, I'm so poor that I seriously stole like 15 honey packets from Starbucks to make it. (They give em away! I have no guilt! Kiss my ass!) So, we will just pass over those and say "try em, they're good."
Then came yesterday. I don't know what motivation fairy blew dust up my funhole yesterday, but I sure wish it would move me in the direction of like...running or jumping jacks instead of cooking fattening things I find on the internet. I guess you have to take what fairy-prodding you get.
So yesterday morning I woke up at 5. A.M. Yeah. I lay in bed, in total denial, willing my bladder to STFU and my mind to decide to go back to the dream about the bus I was in flying off the bridge (anything is better than 5 A.M.)...but to no avail. At 6 A.M. (always in CAPS) I got out of bed and went downstairs to begin construction on a Martha Stewart recipe I have seen all over Pinterest - the Bacon, Egg, & Toast Cups.
They look pretty fucking clever, right? It is Martha Stewart after all (she's not a demon...she's a witch).
So - a couple of takeaways if you decide to make these. They are not all that difficult - but she's serious about the bread covering the whole muffin cup. Once I cut and placed the bread, most of them left a little space at the top. The egg then overflowed the bread a little, and there was no bread for me to butter up there! It also made getting them out a little more difficult. Well, I am sure that Martha would disagree, but for me - I think that if I make them again I will just use the whole piece of bread, slightly rolled out (like she says) and then molded better to the inside of the cup. Then, add the bacon and the egg - and trim any of the bread if needed.
Also, I am at high altitude, so I need to learn my damn lesson and start checking things way earlier when they are baking, or just adjust the temperature down by at least ten degrees to start. Mine were a bit overcooked. They were still good, the eggs were just hardcooked instead of "just set" as Ms. Stewart suggests. Here are mine:

My next adventure of the day was the making of the spaghetti sauce! I may have made sauce once before (I seem to recall talking to my mother about it a long time ago, but I don't remember the actual cooking, so this may as well been my virgin encounter. It felt like the first time, baby. I don't have sauce-making pictures, either - not because I made a sad mess of it or anything, but because I was focused on not fucking up and having to waste all those ingredients. (Okay, it's only about $8 worth of ingredients, but when you're unemployed, it's important. Plus, I'm accommodating 4-5 dinners here - that's significant!)
Anywho....I used this recipe - somewhat altered. I did not add the meat or the onions. I wanted meatless sauce (I can always cook and add meat later for a meal) and Kyle is still maintaining that he dislikes onions (I think that next time I will add onion powder for the taste. He only complains of onions when there are actual onions involved.)
Well, the sauce turned out rather yummy - I tweaked the seasonings a bit - the removal of the onions tends to leave a gap in the flavor where you're going "this is missing....something...what is it??" Well, I decided that garlic is, in fact, the universal marinara sauce solvent - and about doubled the amount called for in the recipe. Worked out well.
On to the next project (and this one really is a "project" - and should possibly even be made ahead of time in the future) - Pepperoni Monkey Bread. Now, I have never made regular monkey bread, so I basically was just picking a recipe cause it looked cool.
I also did not get a picture of the final product - Kyle was all over that thing so fast! Here is my assembly-line photo:

I admit, even though it also came out overcooked (you would think I would learn but noooooo), it was pretty tasty. It also had the benefit of my kick-ass marinara for dipping, so it all turned out in the end.
So - it was darker on the inside of the pan than it was on the outside.
I was feeling lazy (hey, this thing takes a long time to assemble, cut me some slack!) so I used Pillsbury pizza dough, which might have been part of the problem, but, overall I still think that cooking for longer at a lower temp would be the way to go here. Also, it didn't stick together as well as the one in the picture, so I think I need to press the bites a bit more when placing in the pan, so they adhere to each other more.
So. That's my Pinterest recipe week - the place is just such a good resource for recipes you would never have found anywhere else!
Like this Green Smoothie recipe I made today. It tastes like that Odwalla Superfood juice - so yeah, it looks funny but tastes so good. I didn't get the same neon-green that she got, but it still worked out well:

Mmmmm delicious and so good for you! 

I just wrote a whole post about cooking.
I think that's in the book of Revelations, somewhere. Be prepared.
Peace out, homies.

Patriotism, immigration, racism, and why you can just go f*ck yourself.

I was all worked up in my mind earlier today - but I was driving.
I have a voice memo thing, so I suppose I should have thought about ranting into my cell phone for a few minutes, but it just didn't occur to me.

I was thinking about all the people who are against immigration and how they are all just big fucking (very)thinly-veiled racists. No wait, that wasn't what I was thinking about.

I was thinking about patriotism, and how fucking stupid it really is.
Now, don't go riding down to my house on your high horse with your torches, pitchforks and and many "friends" as you can muster quite yet. I'm not quite done infuriating you yet. I can do better.

So I think that there are some really good times for patriotism - or even referring to yourself as a "patriot".

1 - When you were one of the founding fathers. Paul Revere, if he felt so inclined, had total "I am the biggest fucking patriot EVER" rights. Step off, Sam Adams. (Okay, he can brag, too.)
2 - When you are rallying for or against a common cause, preferably a really evil one..like Nazis or New Coke (dated myself there, I am aware). Patriotism is necessary when you send people to war. While I don't often agree with war, sending grumpy, disenfranchised teenagers to blow shit up would be...well, like high school - largely ineffectual. They need the morale.
3 - Remembrance days. I acknowledge that many people gave their lives in service to this country, volunteer and otherwise. We should be remembering the wars that made our country a country, the wars that made the world a safer place, or just honoring the men who voluntarily go into harm's way under orders. They are braver than I, and deserve our support.

Times when claiming patriotism just makes you a huge fucking toolbag:

1 - Anytime you are trying to get elected to public office. That's when you gotta walk the walk, not talk the talk.
2 - Anytime you are referring to yourself in comparison to someone else - like your neighbors down the street who totally (accidentally) flew the flag in the rain and should be deported back to wherever the fuck they came from (Detroit). It's not a sliding scale - just like you can't say that you love your kids more than your neighbors just because you don't see them hug all the time. Maybe you're a more demonstrative person - then you will be more likely to express your love, your hate, your sexuality, and your patriotism - but it's no bigger than anyone else's and no one will ever whip it out so you can compare. It's one size fits all. No. No arguing.
3 - Anytime you feel the need to prove #2 incorrect by flying bigger or more numerous flags on your house, car, or person.

Here's my big one - and a totally killer segue-way (at least it was in my head, while I was driving earlier).

4 - Anytime you are thinking that you are special because you are a native-born American - and maybe using this special feeling to make emphatic arguments against immigration.

Now, normally people who make these arguments try to maintain that they are only referring to "illegal" immigrants, when in truth they are referring to "non-Caucasian" immigrants. No, being against immigration doesn't make you a racist, being a fucking racist makes you a racist.
To quote...something: "There, but for the grace of God, go I." - and also you, dickhead.

I can dumb this down for you:
You were lucky, yes LUCKY enough to have been born in this country. We might not be perfect, but there is very little chance here of being firebombed, run from your home to a refugee camp, or exterminated by an opposing tribe/religion/faction/whatever. For that, I am amazingly thankful, but absolutely not proud. Why would you be proud of a universal crap shoot? And why would you ever think that someone else's family wanting to come here is a horrible thing? (Or - even worse, acknowledge that they are coming from somewhere awful, but that you just don't want them in your backyard? Wow, you are a great person.)

Are you the grandfather of us all, mumbling about how we have more mouths to feed now?

Does Archie Bunker live on through you, complaining about how "they" are taking all of "our" jobs - which is not and never has been true, since "they" take jobs no one wants - for wages no American would lower themselves to?

Have you looked back to your own heritage to see when your people came to this country? There's a possibility that they weren't even running from a horrible existence, they just wanted a new life, a new opportunity, and they faced prejudice and hatred from the people who had been here for only 20-50 years before. On my father's side, my great-grandparents were off the boat from Sicily. That's really just not that long ago.

Let's just ignore the non-white elephant in the room - that the people you are upset about being here are really only the brown-skinned ones - and maybe we say that you're not upset about their skin color, but you're upset because they don't speak English.
Immigration can be funny that way.
Assuming that, like mine, your great-grandparents came from...some non-English speaking country, I am going to assume that they didn't speak English, either. But they enrolled their children in English-speaking schools, and those children helped them learn and from then on, each subsequent generation was either bilingual or English speaking. That's how that whole "melting" thing happens. As I recall, they talked about that melting pot thing in grade school, right after we glossed over the Native American situation (apologies).

So, either you are descended from a colonist (who were the first immigrants) or your people immigrated here later, or you are Native American (again, very sorry). Do you get to claim that you're a better patriot and a better American if you are descended from a colonist?

Well, of course you can, and it is sort of neat to think about, but I can tell you from readings I'm doing about colonial America right now that most of that time was not anything to be proud of, unless you were signing the Declaration. It makes you no better of an American, it just made you not want to be British. You wanted to escape intolerance, so you could be free to be intolerant against a different group of people. I digress.

Oh, here's that elephant again.
Sorry, the verdict is in and...you're just a racist. I'm sorry. I don't see anyone calling for the buildup of the Canadian border to keep all those French-speaking people out. There is nothing to back up your assertion that we should stop paying welfare for "illegal immigrants" - because you really mean "all immigrants" and "all welfare recipients" and that invariably leads to "brown people."
Presenting your black friend who went to Harvard Law School doesn't make it less true, it means that money means everything to you, and lots of money cures even the worst skin conditions.

How did I get from "patriotism is stupid" to "you're a racist"?
They are both predicated on the idea that one person is better than another, based solely on an accident of birth. A cosmic cutting of the cards. Blink your eyes, and you could have been a different color, born in a different country, speaking a different language - and yet you presume to tell someone born a different color, in a different country, speaking a different language - that they cannot share in your good fortune?
Once again, you're a great person. 

Be thankful, by all means - that makes sense.
But proud? Not so much.

"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)" #4 - Extended Remix

Bachelor #1: Mullet.

Bachelor #2: Perhaps this is cheating, but I'm going to combine the ages of the next three bachelors, tell you that they don't add up to more than 80 and move along. 

Bachelor #3 (or 5 if you're gonna be picky about it): Literal belief in Noah's Ark. 

Holy WTF Bonus Bachelor! 

Our Bonus Bachelor has hair down to his waist and two small children who live with him. To be truthful, the children were more of a turn-off. If your personality and life situation are so totally awesome that you can have a productive adult life with hair down to your waist (without LARPing), fucking good for you! However, my kids are almost grown. Not that I am opposed to the kids, but the combo was unappealing. Add to that the stunning composition of the profile and the messages...and, well. You'll see.

The following exchange has not been edited, even slightly. 

Him: wow really? well ill be dipped in shit and rolled in flour! ok check this out, i read your profile and i feel the same way on alot of counts. not wanting to make something fromnothing? i agree its a headache! you'll be happy to know im 38 and dont think with my peter (that got me into alot of trouble when i was younger) i love your sense of humor hell i havent stopped laughing yet! i play shit tons of video games too! i have 2 kids that live with me. oh ya and as for dying alone ...the thought crossed my mind too thats why im here looking for a few friends. i figure if i cant have a mate a friend will do just as well for most things. besides nobody dies alone around me, im too damn annoying to let em go down without a fight! i dont care if you lost your job, shit happens! well i would most definatly like to talk more! whata ya say? message me if i didnt bore you to death! oh ya i almost forgot, i dont mind you poking fun being serious or whatever but, i will rib you in return! you this could be alot of fun!

I decided to just not respond, as I do in most cases, since I have nothing nice to say. 

(Blog ya later, dude!) 

Four days later, Ted Nugent is so shocked that I did not immediately jump at the opportunity to mate with him that he must write again. These are my favorites. 

Him: what a shame, you realy did look like youd fun to hangout with oh well se la vie!

(what does it mean when all my words are underlined in red like that?) 

Me: Since you went to the trouble to make sure that I knew I was missing out by not contacting you, I'll just say thank you for the note. I appreciate the sentiment and that you found my profile amusing, but, for several reasons, I am not interested.

Him: whatever, like i said you lookedlike fun but after the troublei had in contacting you then your apparent aloofness i care not. people like you need to back up and take a second look at yourself. your NOT all that and a bag of chips. have a glorious, glorious year and a half!

Me: Thanks so much for putting me in my place. You've changed my whole life! Yeah...can't get through this with a straight face. 

Bored now.

Well, there you have it. 

I am all that, hold the chips. 

Soda companies charge us for water. Think about that for just a moment and maybe it will sink in.

My Devil of the Day: Bottled Water

I saw this picture on imgur today. I know I had seen it in the past, but it still had an impact on me and reminded me of a video about the evils of bottled water. A friend had shared it with me a while back, and while we changed our water drinking habits at home, it still astounds me how widespread this stupidity really is, especially in Colorado, where the drinking water is amazing. Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are places where the drinking water is unhealthy - and I am not referring to those places with dangerous water, or even to times of disaster. However, all things being equal, your bottled water habit is simply throwing money in the trash - literally...along with that plastic bottle. 
As a side note, I also find it amusing that so many people who quit soda are still giving their money to the same soda pop companies. Soda companies charge us for water. Think about that for just a moment and maybe it will sink in. 
Like I said, I know this video is old, so some of my (zero) readers may have seen it. For those who haven't seen it, most of it is a cartoon, so hopefully it can hold your failing attention span for the duration. 

I admit to falling for the convenience of bottled water in the past, and I have shame. My boys used to take a bottle with them to bed most nights. It wasn't rampant abuse, but it was still unnecessary. Well, no more - Kyle and I stopped buying bottled water several years ago and we both have our own stainless refillable bottles. There are so many amazing bottles you can buy, too. Like this one is particularly awesome...or this one, which I should really get for Kyle, now that I look at it. 
And to people with small children - we used to drink from garden hoses...warm nasty-ass garden hoses, but now we are sending a message to kids with this useless crap that the water that comes out of their kitchen tap is substandard to the bottle of Dasani in the fridge that is just public tap water from somewhere that has been "remineralized" (whatever the f*ck that means - I know that they add small amounts of salt to their water.) Nobel Laureate Anatole France is quoted as saying, “If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.”- this applies to thinking, believing, and doing, as well. So yeah, that's my rant for the day. Just think about it.

Cliques, communities, religions, organizations...and how, every day, in every way – I want nothing to do with any of you.

No matter how alone anyone feels at any given time, they are not. No matter how original and fantastic you imagine your feelings and thoughts to be – they are not. Someone has felt it, someone has thought it, and someone has gotten offended by it sometime in the past.

Many times I have come across a gathering of people, online or otherwise, and thought, “maybe this could be where I belong?”, but then I hang out for a bit. Then I look deeper and I see hierarchies, infighting, cliques, people who – even amongst a group who hold a demonstrably underrepresented way of thinking – feel that they are righter than all these other right people that they sought community with not too far in the distant past. “You can't just think what I think, you have to think what I think, EXACTLY the way that I think it, and present yourself exactly the way I would like you to be”, they seem to say with every condescending forum post. Is this what becomes of a group of people when they move from “I don't know” to “I don't know and you don't either”? Or maybe I just hate everyone in the world, as I have always suspected.  

things I think today.

- I need to stop getting recipes off Pinterest. I do not need 101 ways to work with Nutella or another potato recipe, and my ass agrees with me. (to be fair, there are a lot of healthy ones, too...but they just don't stand out next to anything oozing cheese and pesto, y'know?) The people on there seem to only post pictures of anorexic models, but judging from what they eat, they can't possibly fit in the clothes they are "loving" on their style boards. Just saying.

 - Bendy straws are nifty.

 - I do not like antlers in decorating, but skulls are fine. I also do not like the current hipster decorating trend of prints of animals wearing clothing.

- There are very few style aspects of the 70's that need reviving. So few that we should just forget they happened and move back to the 60's or the 50's. (I was going to say "no style aspects"...but I hate to close the book, here. I don't know everything about the 70's. Could happen, I suppose, but I'm not counting on it.)

- Frozen berries instead of ice cubes is pretty awesome in most of my favorite cold beverages (not iced coffee, natch)

- If I want to be a writer...I should really...write, and trust that the brilliant ideas will follow. (only small tinge of sarcasm when reading that, please.)

- I want a card catalog cabinet. I'll figure out what to do with it after I have it.

- Which do you think would make me richer: a toothpaste that doesn't ruin the taste of orange juice..or a cold steam vaporizer that actually made your room smell like rain? Mmmmm I would buy the latter.

- No, the picture has nothing to do with the post, it's just fucking awesome.

"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)" #3 - Thursday

Bachelor #1: "hi your profile and you look like fun and I thought I say hello and see if my profile and I look fun to you and your profile.... ;p"  
Well. I...wait, WHAT? 


Bachelor #2: The message was innocuous enough - just a "Hi, how are you?"  However, you listed "sex" as one of your hobbies - which is in clear violation of Section 7, Paragraph 3 of my profile. You also appear to end every other sentence in an exclamation. If this all sounds too picky, I'll just say - you're 24. I don't do that anymore. 


[BONUS] "Why I won't be responding to you AGAIN" Bachelor #3: You have the serenity prayer tattooed across one of your pectoral muscles. Just...no. 

Going FWD...

   It's amazing and wonderful when you rediscover someone from your past - a long-lost friend or family member. You have what is hopefully a not-too-awkward reunion, started with an email exchange about where and when and other particulars. Then it happens. Sometime after you have arranged the date and time for your lunch/dinner/coffee/whatever - but before you have actually attended the event...an email arrives. Now, I'm always happy for an email that comes from anyone who isn't a robot trapped in a file server, but in the front of this one are the letters that set me a bit on edge: "FWD". 

Aww, shit. It's hilarious dog pictures, or down-home advice on how to be happier and healthier, or, my favorite, a warning about hypodermic needles that will go up your bum when you use a public toilet (I made that up, don't freak out). 

I could do what most people do...and just ignore it, but it has taken me a long time to get to the point where no one in my life sends me this shit. They know better. It's probably why my only emails come from websites I have purchased from in the past. Truthfully, I was living in a dream world where people don't forward fluff emails to each other anymore. In my mind, we, as a race, had evolved beyond that. It was a beautiful world, and I was ripped from it like a drunk jackass ejected from a Porsche. 

   I know that if you're the kind of person who sends out bullshit warnings in emails that you are most likely the kind of person who offers bullshit warnings in person, and this makes me sad. You see, at least when you have this email - warning you of bathing suits that make your nipples fall off - you have the fucking power of the internet behind you! Perhaps I should just Google this real quick and see if the first 12 hits that come up don't have the word "hoax" in them. Alas, no...you do not do that. Because, children, like any other pursuit in life, when navigating the innernets, you are going to come across your Pros...and your noobs - and when they hand you their AOL email address, try not to snicker like the elitist you are...and make sure it gets lost in your other jacket. 

   Otherwise, you will end up like me - most likely the only one who will tell this person that what they just sent is bogus. The person who tells them that I don't want them to include me on this list (and never did, and maybe, just maybe, you should ask people before they get included on your honorary "YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS OMG" subscription). 

   The truth is that I have sent this person two replies to separate emails about separate bullshit incidents. They have not replied to either of them. The sad thing would be if this person decides that because I don't treasure their every cat photo dump - that I don't want them in my life, because that's not the case. 

Next time I guess I just send them a link to this blog. 

What could possibly go wrong? 

Language - and a stern talking-to.

I think I am more of a spelling than a grammar Nazi - but I get him, and I think I am getting better.
A random typo does not make the man, but a body of work speaks so loudly about a person - and he's right...it's the not caring that upsets me more than the lack of knowledge (although that bothers me, as well).

I have zero problem with the dynamic nature of language - the nouns-to-verbs make me smile, more often than not.
Mostly I posted this because I love the fluidity of his voice.

Stephen Fry Kinetic Typography - Language from Matthew Rogers on Vimeo.