Bachelor #2: Perhaps this is cheating, but I'm going to combine the ages of the next three bachelors, tell you that they don't add up to more than 80 and move along.
Bachelor #3 (or 5 if you're gonna be picky about it): Literal belief in Noah's Ark.
Holy WTF Bonus Bachelor!
Our Bonus Bachelor has hair down to his waist and two small children who live with him. To be truthful, the children were more of a turn-off. If your personality and life situation are so totally awesome that you can have a productive adult life with hair down to your waist (without LARPing), fucking good for you! However, my kids are almost grown. Not that I am opposed to the kids, but the combo was unappealing. Add to that the stunning composition of the profile and the messages...and, well. You'll see.
The following exchange has not been edited, even slightly.
Him: wow really? well ill be dipped in shit and rolled in flour! ok check this out, i read your profile and i feel the same way on alot of counts. not wanting to make something fromnothing? i agree its a headache! you'll be happy to know im 38 and dont think with my peter (that got me into alot of trouble when i was younger) i love your sense of humor hell i havent stopped laughing yet! i play shit tons of video games too! i have 2 kids that live with me. oh ya and as for dying alone ...the thought crossed my mind too thats why im here looking for a few friends. i figure if i cant have a mate a friend will do just as well for most things. besides nobody dies alone around me, im too damn annoying to let em go down without a fight! i dont care if you lost your job, shit happens! well i would most definatly like to talk more! whata ya say? message me if i didnt bore you to death! oh ya i almost forgot, i dont mind you poking fun being serious or whatever but, i will rib you in return! you this could be alot of fun!
I decided to just not respond, as I do in most cases, since I have nothing nice to say.
(Blog ya later, dude!)
Four days later, Ted Nugent is so shocked that I did not immediately jump at the opportunity to mate with him that he must write again. These are my favorites.
Him: what a shame, you realy did look like youd fun to hangout with oh well se la vie!
(what does it mean when all my words are underlined in red like that?)
Me: Since you went to the trouble to make sure that I knew I was missing out by not contacting you, I'll just say thank you for the note. I appreciate the sentiment and that you found my profile amusing, but, for several reasons, I am not interested.
Him: whatever, like i said you lookedlike fun but after the troublei had in contacting you then your apparent aloofness i care not. people like you need to back up and take a second look at yourself. your NOT all that and a bag of chips. have a glorious, glorious year and a half!
Me: Thanks so much for putting me in my place. You've changed my whole life! Yeah...can't get through this with a straight face.
Bored now.
Well, there you have it.
I am all that, hold the chips.
