It's amazing and wonderful when you rediscover someone from your past - a long-lost friend or family member. You have what is hopefully a not-too-awkward reunion, started with an email exchange about where and when and other particulars. Then it happens. Sometime after you have arranged the date and time for your lunch/dinner/coffee/whatever - but before you have actually attended the event...an email arrives. Now, I'm always happy for an email that comes from anyone who isn't a robot trapped in a file server, but in the front of this one are the letters that set me a bit on edge: "FWD".
Aww, shit. It's hilarious dog pictures, or down-home advice on how to be happier and healthier, or, my favorite, a warning about hypodermic needles that will go up your bum when you use a public toilet (I made that up, don't freak out).
I could do what most people do...and just ignore it, but it has taken me a long time to get to the point where no one in my life sends me this shit. They know better. It's probably why my only emails come from websites I have purchased from in the past. Truthfully, I was living in a dream world where people don't forward fluff emails to each other anymore. In my mind, we, as a race, had evolved beyond that. It was a beautiful world, and I was ripped from it like a drunk jackass ejected from a Porsche.
I know that if you're the kind of person who sends out bullshit warnings in emails that you are most likely the kind of person who offers bullshit warnings in person, and this makes me sad. You see, at least when you have this email - warning you of bathing suits that make your nipples fall off - you have the fucking power of the internet behind you! Perhaps I should just Google this real quick and see if the first 12 hits that come up don't have the word "hoax" in them. Alas, no...you do not do that. Because, children, like any other pursuit in life, when navigating the innernets, you are going to come across your Pros...and your noobs - and when they hand you their AOL email address, try not to snicker like the elitist you are...and make sure it gets lost in your other jacket.
Otherwise, you will end up like me - most likely the only one who will tell this person that what they just sent is bogus. The person who tells them that I don't want them to include me on this list (and never did, and maybe, just maybe, you should ask people before they get included on your honorary "YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS OMG" subscription).
The truth is that I have sent this person two replies to separate emails about separate bullshit incidents. They have not replied to either of them. The sad thing would be if this person decides that because I don't treasure their every cat photo dump - that I don't want them in my life, because that's not the case.
Next time I guess I just send them a link to this blog.
What could possibly go wrong?
