"Why I didn't respond to your message on (insert dating site here)" #7: WTF Edition

So this woman walks up 2 me at the bar and says "I will do anything u want 4 $200" So I give her the money and said " ok go paint my house." I like your profile,I am hurt,mad and whatever i ll get over it.Oh wow that was fast. Get 1 of thise Maine Coon Cats.Only 26% match I geuss I wont be wakin up next to u anytime soon huh? I dont think i m 30 lbs but i use the tread mill to walk the dog,she needs the exersise more than me. So this baby seal walks into a club.


I'm going to let my friend Shanna be today's "guest snarky remarker" for this poetic gem: 
"This deserves a dramatic reading on YouTube." 


I need to get back to original format - this way does not offer much for me to "write". It's just that people's actual writing shocks and amuses me so much that half the time I'm speechless.